"Sega is Japanese for compulsive liar."
-The Gord
Wensday, October 4, 2006
I have a big announcement today but before I get to that, I need to take care of one last issue.
ATTETNION: James Michael Corbett! The following text in red is for you:
James! You were right about your theory! I am Terence Klugman! And I'm also dead! And all those other crazy theorys you came up with were also true! Yes, ALL of them! Even the ones that conflicted with each other and didn't make any damn sense! They were ALL true! So the truth is that I'm dead but alive in an alternate dimension where the goverment has a secret plot to kill Bob Dole with a ray gun that causes his hair to catch on fire! I'm trying to stop them and I need your help! To enter the alternate dimension where I'm currently located you need to find the tallest building you can, get up on the roof and JUMP OFF! It may look like you will die, but getting killed is how I got here, so it should work the same way for you! HURRY! There is no time to waste!
And that should be the last we hear from James. I was doing a totally unrealted google search and came across an old chached version of his wikispace site where he was STILL telling people I'm Terence Klugman even after finding out that Terence is really dead. I figure if he will believe all the crazy shit he posts on his site, he will believe anything, inculding that killing himself will help him locate me. Yeah, I'm not a very nice person but trust me, this time killing a Sega fanboy has made the world a better place. Well, the world is always better off with one less sega fanboy, but in this case its MUCH better off.
Anyway, with that taken care of I can tell you about my big announcement: I QUIT. Yeah, you heard me. I've decided to retire as the Sega Slayer.
I've been thinking about this for a long time really. I considered going out with an unblemished record after I predicted the death of the Saturn and it came true. I considered getting out while I was still ahead after I predicted the death of the Dreamcast and it came true. I considered finding something better to do with my time when Sega became a third party publisher and it was obvious they would never return to the hardware market. I even considered it when Sammy bought out Sega and it was obvious that Sammy was simply going to whore out every profitable Sega franchise until everyone recoiled in terror at the very mention of the name Sega.
But each time I wanted to quit I decided that I wanted to go out with a BANG of some sort. I didn't know what kind of BANG, but it just didn't seem right to simply let this thing die after all the time I spent talking to idiots and looking at awful websites just to create content for this site. But each time I thought about what kind of bang I wanted, I had to ask myself the same question:
"What the hell kind of bang will make any real difference? This is a website about Sega!"
The problem is that my website expresses the opinion that Sega sucks. 95% of the people living on the planet earth already know of this opinion and fully agree with it, but don't care enough to read a website about it. Then there is the remaining 5% of the people who are so psychotic that trying to talk to them is like trying to talk with Krusty the Clown after hes done 10 hits of bad acid. When 95% of your readers don't care about what you have to say and the remaining 5% are totally insane, going out with any kind of bang is pointless and a lot of work that doesn't accomplish anything.
So I've finally decided "Screw the bang, I just want this to be over with."
The good news is that my legacy will live on in that totally insane 5% of the population who will spend the rest of their lives bitching and moaning because I mispelled a few words over the years and trying to figure out how a guy who is dead could be uploading new updates to his website. And I think that is as much of a bang as a Sega Slayer like me could ever hope for.
So Goodbye everyone! And as Grant said when I stole his "EOS MP3 mailing list" all those years ago... "You all suck and I never liked any of you!"
UPDATE (9-14-06) Sadly, James didn't kill himself. Instead he went on another "stalking" spree and posted the results of his findings on a shitty forum run by some homosexual friend of his that is apparently visited by a bunch of 19 year old anime nerds who think they are better than everyone else because they can post insults about them on the interent along with fake conversations that didn't ever happen. Turns out James still doesn't know who I am, what I'm about and pretty much every "fact" he discovered about me is either so fucking obvious he should have figured it out two years ago or hes still totally fucking wrong. For example, he thinks I'm 29 years old, which I'm not (I can only assume he determined this by looking at the fake bitrh date I provide on the internet, 1977). He also thinks I made fun of my own website on this website, which only proves that James isn't aware there is a difference between .net and .com domain names. And maybe best of all he still is trying desperately to make connections between me and Terence Klugman. He goes so far as to suggest that this entire website was made AFTER Terence died, which he knows isn't true because he found it before Terence died! Clearly this kid has a very weak grasp on reality.
But atleast James did one thing right. He proved me 100% correct. There is always going to be a group of idiots out there who will spend the rest of their lives talking about me and never manage to figure out a damn thing about me. Good work James.